читать дальшеGakuen K
Spring
Tachiban (Standing Guard)
Fushimi: Jeez, this is so troublesome. Why do I have to do this, anyway?
Munakata: This is not something warrantying complaining. As the members of the public morals committee, it is our duty to inspect students coming to school once a season.
Fushimi: But it doesn’t mean that I have to line up in front of the main gate together with another dude so early in the morning. So stupid.
Munakata: If you wake up early, you still have enough time to have light breakfast. It is also good for stimulating your brain’s activity. Good things all around, do you not agree?
Fushimi: I can’t eat anything in the morning though.
Munakata: Oya, that is no good. I will not say that you always have to eat a three-plate meal like I do, but how does consuming at least a banana and a yogurt in the morning sound to you?
Fushimi: Shitsuchou, you’re being oddly positive about this kind of work, huh. Why is that?
Munakata: Simple. I believe that protecting things that, on their own, each seem completely trivial leads to protecting public morals and, in turn, ties in with reforming the school as a whole.
Fushimi: Way to exaggerate.
Munakata: Hmm. So that is the way you chose to take my words… Then, allow me to ask: why do you dislike this work so much?
Fushimi: Why, you ask?
Munakata: As far as I know, you may have a lot to say, but you always accomplish the task you are given and produce results better than expected. I do not know whether it is due to your pride, sense of duty, or simply your serious nature, but that trait is what I appreciate about you the most.
Fushimi: Well, thank you…
Munakata: However, this time I feel like your motivation is even lower than usual. Why is it, I wonder.
Fushimi: “Why is it”, eh? Then allow me to answer honestly: because it’s worthless, ridiculous and stupid.
Munakata: Why, exactly?
Fushimi: Because it is? I just fail to see any meaning in measuring the length of the female students’ skirts and rummaging in their bags to make sure that they didn’t bring cosmetic products to school.
Munakata: I think you are misunderstanding something.
Fushimi: I hate this sort of nitpicky anal retentive enforced regulations the most. Why even bother to perform inspections like this in a school with the environment as lax as in this Academy? Why not just let them all be? Who cares how the girls look or what they’re trying to bring to school?
Munakata: Haah. Good grief.
*steps*
Munakata: Oya. Today’s first student has arrived, it seems. Fushimi-kun, no matter how unwilling you may be, work is work, so let us get ready and do our best.
*steps coming closer*
Munakata: Good morning.
Kukuri: Good morning, Munakata-senpai, and Fushimi-kun. Are you in the middle of your public morals committee work? Thank you for your efforts!
Munakata: Thank you, too. You are quite early, are you not, Yukizome-kun?
Kukuri: Yes, I am! I’m on day duty today.
Munakata: Yukizome-kun, I sincerely apologize, but what I am about to ask is one of my duties. I would like your permission to inspect your personal belongings.
Fushimi: Tch, you’re already going ahead with this anal retentive inspection even though the words are barely out of your mouth yet.
Kukuri: Of course, you have my permission. I will cooperate willingly and with pleasure!
Munakata: Understood, thank you. Now, excuse me.
Fushimi: Wait, shitsuchou! What the hell are you doing?!
Kukuri: Eh? Oh no, Munakata-senpai! Please don’t stare at my legs so much while crouching down! It’s embarrassing.
Munakata: Yukizome-kun.
Kukuri: Y-Yes?
Munakata: I am very interested in what is under your skirt. Would you please pull up the hem a little and show me?
Fushimi: Are you a pervert…?
Munakata: Yukizome-kun, I am serious.
Kukuri: N-No way…
Munakata: I would much prefer to avoid saying such things, but… this is my order as the president of the public morals committee who exists to amend public morals in this school.
Fushimi: You don’t have to listen to that kind of order! Shitsuchou, are you really off your rocker?!
Munakata: Yukizome-kun!
Kukuri: R-Right! Ahhh!
*things falling and clanking*
Kukuri: Something came falling down…
Munakata: Hm. Just like I suspected.
Fushimi: Wh…! What is all this…?
Munakata: A folding knife, a hunting knife, a butterfly knife, a ballistic knife, and also the famous curved Gurkha knife utilized by the Gurkha soldiers, also known as “khukuri”, huh?
Kukuri: Ah, oh no! How embarrassing! Such an incredible knife has the same name as me!
Fushimi: Hey, you. You’re seriously off the mark about what you should feel embarrassed about.
Munakata: My, my. How shameful. That is quite a lot you managed to stuff inside your skirt.
Fushimi: I see. You stuffed it into your garterbelt, huh. You sure know your dirty tricks, eh.
Kukuri: D-Don’t say that!
Munakata: In addition, the school bag of such a shameful student as you will also need to be checked. Excuse me!
Kukuri: Ah! D-Don’t stick your hand all the way inside and rummage so deep!
Munakata: Hoo, I found something very interesting in there. Tell me what is this?
Kukuri: Erm, ummm, that would be… hahah, a hand grenade?
Munakata: To be exact, the M67 fragmentation hand grenade, also known as “apple grenade” or “baseball”. Officially adopted in the United States military.
Fushimi: Whoa, don’t just casually pass it to me!!!
Kukuri: I’m sorry, Munakata-senpai. Looks like I was still half asleep.
Munakata: I see. Something like putting a TV remote control into your bag absentmindedly and going like that to school?
Kukuri: Yes, that!
Fushimi: No, this is totally different. It’s a criminal offense.
Munakata: Well, it cannot be helped then. Unfortunately, this school does not allow to bring in grenades. These are regulations, you see.
Fushimi: Generally, no institution allows that. Except for terrorists. No one, save for persons affiliated with the military, is allowed to tote explosives around.
Munakata: Therefore, as of now, these knives and the grenade are confiscated and placed in the care of the public morals committee.
Kukuri: Okaay.
Munakata: You’re wrapping it up with just that?!
Kukuri: Well then, Munakata-senpai, Fushimi-kun, see you later!
Munakata: And off she ran energetically. She is quite the cheerful and pure girl.
Fushimi: Umm… What was that about?
Munakata: Yukizome Kukuri is in the same class as you. Always positive and good at taking care of others. She appears to be very popular in her class as well, does she not? But she has a flaw of unconsciously bringing to school lethal weapons sometimes.
Fushimi: That’s more than a flaw, you know!
Munakata: There is nothing to worry about. She is a good girl at heart.
Fushimi: Even if she is, it’s meaningless if she does that.
Munakata: Oya? The next girl has arrived. Fushimi-kun, stand by, please.
Neko: Boss Glasses and Mean Glasses! Good morning!
Munakata: Good morning, Neko-kun. You are here quite early.
Neko: Uh-huh! I need to help Shiro, so I came to school early! You have it tough with your work, too, right, Boss Glasses and Mean Glasses?
Fushimi: Tch.
Neko: Huh? What’s wrong, Mean Glasses?
Munakata: You do not have to worry. Mean Glasses is a bit shy.
Fushimi: That way of calling me!!!
Neko: Is that so? Even though he’s Mean Glasses, huh!
Munakata: Huh, indeed.
Fushimi: Please stop with this retarded exchange! Let’s just check her and let her go already.
Munakata: Oya? You are being unusually proactive.
Fushimi: Because dealing with her is a pain! I just want to get it over with quickly.
Munakata: Understood. Well then, Neko-kun, without further ado, your skirt…
Neko: What, what? Want me to flip it up for you? Pull it up? Or take it off completely?
Munakata: No, none of those is necessary. You are fine the way you are.
Fushimi: Nothing seems to be wrong with her clothes. Should we check her bag’s contents?
Munakata: Yes, why not. This time, Fushimi-kun, I would like you to do it. No objections, I trust, Neko-kun?
Neko: Nope! Be my guest!
Fushimi: Alright, I’m opening it then. *rummaging* Huh, it sure is stuffed with lots of stuff.
Munakata: Is everything OK? From what I have seen, I had a feeling that something more dangerous than explosives could be inside that bag.
Fushimi: Why are you saying that after I put my hand inside?! Huh…? What’s this?
Neko: Ah, that! That’s my panties and bra.
Fushimi: Geh!!!
Munakata: Hmm. It looks like my hunch turned out to be correct yet again. Still, why did you put something like that into your bag?
Neko: W-Well, Shiro said I should wear underwear, but I feel so constrained in them…
Munakata: Could it be that it is simply the matter of unsuitable size?
Neko: No, that’s not it, I just hate having to wear any!
Munakata: Should I assume that right now, the panties and bra…
Neko: Uh-huh! I’m not wearing either!
Fushimi: That’s not something to declare so proudly! Anyway, I’m returning these to you. You have no objections, right, shitsuchou?
Munakata: Let’s see… I have a feeling that this presents a slight problem, public morals wise, but fundamentally it is up to an individual to decide whether to wear underwear or not. Since these items present no danger, we can return them.
Fushimi: Here, take ‘em.
Neko: I don’t need them!
Fushimi: Don’t give me that! Here!
Neko: You can have them! See ya!
Fushimi: That stupid chick!!! Damn, she ran off into the school building.
Munakata: Fushimi-kun.
Fushimi: What is it?!
Munakata: Standing in a daze in front of the school’s main gate while gripping women’s underwear in your hand makes you look like a pervert.
Fushimi: You made me do it!!!
Munakata: Well, nothing to it. We shall return these items to her later, but right now, let us focus on our work.
Fushimi: Can’t we at least put away these knives, grenade and women’s underwear somewhere?
Munakata: We have no time for that. See? The students are finally coming to school en masse. As a member of the public morals committee, please do your best to avoid possible misunderstandings. Ladies, you are the members of the girls’ volleyball club, I take it? We are with the public morals committee. Good morning.
Fushimi: Dammit! This is why I didn’t want to do this!
Munakata: It took quite a while, huh. Fushimi-kun, please list the items we have confiscated so far.
Fushimi: 5 knives, a hand grenade, women’s underwear, a squirrel monkey, a gibbon, a DVD so obscene that it’s banned by the society, a foreigner of unknown nationality. The students tried to sneak all of the above into school.
Munakata: Very well. Well then, I would like you to deal with the grenade and the underwear. In particular, concerning the underwear, please make sure to explain the notion of modesty to the girl.
Fushimi: Eh? I’m the one who has to do that?
Munakata: There is no one else. I shall deal with the rest of the problematic items as I see fit. I am counting on you.
Fushimi: Ahh. There’s one thing that I now know for sure.
Munakata: Yes, what might it be?
Fushimi: In this Academy, public morals that we’re supposed to protect don’t exist to begin with!
Munakata: Ahahaha! That is why we are going to create them, and build proper order.
Fushimi: The gibbon, sitting on your head, is grooming your hair, shitsuchou.
Munakata: Hahahahaha.
Fushimi: Ah, I’m so done with this. He wandered off somewhere with a monkey sitting on his head. Is it really OK for me to remain under him?
*steps*
Fushimi: Hm?
Neko: Um, listen, Mean Glasses.
Fushimi: Oh, stupid cat chick. What d'you want?
Neko: Erm… I got scolded by Kurosuke. So give me back my underwear that I gave you!
Fushimi: Don’t say weird things! I had to intention of keeping them in the first place! Here.
Neko: Thank you, Mean Glasses! You’re a surprisingly good person, huh, Mean Glasses!
Fushimi: Stop with that “Mean Glasses”! Also, even though it’s not in my character, but if you’re aware that you’re a woman, have more modesty. This is shitsuchou’s message for you.
Neko: Modesty…? Ahhh, I don’t really get it!
*shutter sounds*
Neko: Nya, nya nya?! What is that?!
Fushimi: What’re you doin–?! You assholes, you’re from the Light Paper Club! Wait right there!
Neko: What? What?!
Fushimi: Damn, I lost them. They sure know how to run away fast.
Neko: Nya! Who were they?
Fushimi: The photographers from the Light Newspaper Club, aka the Light Paper. They’re a vulgar group that publishes things like school’s dirty gossip and whatnot.
Neko: Eh? But why? Why did they take photos of us?
Fushimi: Not so much of us as of the underwear I was handing over to you. Tch! So annoying… I can already imagine the title of their article: “Shameless! Bold breach of public morals in broad daylight in the form of sexual harassment with women’s underwear by a member of the public morals committee who is supposed to protect those morals!” Something along these lines, no doubt. Those guys think nothing of fabricating a story or two, after all.
Neko: What are you going to do?
Fushimi: Tch, let’s see… Hehahaha. Since our cause is to protect order, it’s not like I’m out of options, here.
Neko: Hmm. You’re making a scary face, Mean Glasses.
Munakata: Ahh, the classes are over. The day has passed so fast. By the way, Fushimi-kun, did you hear?
Fushimi: What, shitsuchou?
Munakata: There was an explosion in the club room of the Light Paper Club.
Fushimi: Hee, really, I didn’t know.
Munakata: It seems like the perpetrator threw explosives into the room, choosing the time when there was no one in the vicinity, so no one suffered any injuries. But all the photo data and video footage was destroyed beyond salvation.
Fushimi: Waaah. How wicked of them. Oh well, that club’s bought a lot of hate from all kinds of people.
Munakata: What kind of attitude is that?
Fushimi: No, no. I just thought that with the school as lawless as that, even the confiscated items that I locked in the safe today could be stolen any moment. Dangerous, so very dangerous.
Munakata: Fushimi-kun.
Fushimi: Yes, what is it?
Munakata: I really like you, you know.
Fushimi: Heh. Well, thank you.
Note: since this is no longer about Scepter 4, referring to Munakata as “Captain“ is no longer viable. Since we all are too used to calling him Captain, calling him something else just feels weird, and so I just left his position as it is in Japanese, that is, “shitsuchou“