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Momotarou’s Oni Extermination
Crow: Hey, Momotarou! Are you sure we’re going the right way? I don’t see any islands anywhere!
Momotarou: Since the sun is that way… yeah, this is the right direction. Although we should be seeing the island by now…
Crow: I sure hope so, ‘cause I’m sick and tired of rowing the boat. I wanna fight already!
Monkey: You’re such a damn noisy crow! Just shut up and row!
Crow: What didja say, ya damn Monkey?!
Momotarou: Easy, easy~ Don’t fight. Say, Dog-kun, you’re not picking up the oni’s smell yet?
Dog: I don’t now what onis smell like in the first place. *sniff, sniff* In any case, I’m not catching any particularly strange smells at the moment.
Momotarou: I see… Well, if we continue going in this direction, we should reach the place sooner or later. I think.
Monkey: “You think”, huh?
Crow: Not very reliable, are you.
Dog: Don’t complain. In any case, we’re going forward!
Momotarou: Ahh, I, too, want to reach the Oni island as soon as possible. This swaying makes me remember some disturbing things.
Dog: What disturbing things?
Momotarou: Well, in the past, I was floating down the river in my peach, swaying on the waves pleasantly, and all of a sudden - splash! - someone grabbed my peach, and then - stab! - cleaved me.
Dog: Cleaved you? Who did?
Momotarou: A challenger granny who tried to eat the suspicious peach she picked up in the river! She cleaved me with a freshly sharpened kitchen knife right in two from the face to the neck, and without a second thought, too!
Crow: Ouch! I’m hurting just from listening!
Momotarou: Yeah, the granny was shocked, too, and started screaming like crazy, the grandpa came rushing in, thought the granny did some kid in with a knife and got scared stiff. It was a royal uproar.
Dog: You’ve… been through a lot.
Monkey: How come you’re still among the living?
Momotarou: Because I’m the Immortal King. Wounds are nothing to me.
Crow: Really? Wow! So? What happened to that granny and grandpa after that?
Momotarou: They decided it was some sort of fate, so they raised me.
Dog: A seemingly chance meeting that is actually fated. For strangers to become a family is such a beautiful thing.
Momotarou: Yeah, agreed. Actually, it was the granny and grandpa who suggested this oni extermination. “Wipe out the evil oni and protect the world’s peace,” is what they said.
Crow: Ohh, so we’ll get to be the heroes of justice?!
Monkey: …Didn’t they just niftily get rid of the nuisance?
Dog: Hey! Some things are better left unsaid, you know! Even if they’re true!
Momotarou: Hey, come on!
Monkey: Agh, jeez! Can we even hope to win in this extermination under the circumstances? The enemy is an atrocious oni, after all.
Crow: Heh! If you’re getting cold feet, go home, man, just go home! We don’t need a cowardly monkey as our ally!
Monkey: Who’s getting cold feet?! It’s useless crows who ought to pack up and scram already!
Crow: What?! I dare ya say that again!!!
Dog: Stop it already! Cool it, both of you!
Momotarou: Yeah, that’s right. All of you are my important companions. So please don’t fight among yourselves, I’m asking you. I’m counting on all of you. On you, Crow-kun.
Crow: R-right…
Momotarou: On you, Monkey-kun.
Monkey: Tch!
Momotarou: And of course, on you, Dog-kun.
Dog: Leave this to me.
Momotarou: That’s right, our enemy is a strong and atrocious oni, but we still need to defeat him. We just can’t let a terrifying oni who terrorizes people roam free. You are the three companions of my choosing! And together, we’ll definitely win!
Monkey: “Of your choosing”, huh? We just happened to pass by, and you recruited us with kibi dangos, no?
Crow: True, that.
Momotarou: W-Well, true, I guess…
Dog: You’re supposed to deny that.
Monkey: To make things worse, you planned to hire a pheasant, but a puny crow was all you got. Soooo lame.
Crow: What didja just say?!
Momotarou: Calm down, calm down. Either way, Dog-kun, Monkey-kun, Crow-kun, all three of you are confident in your strength, right? So let’s fight all together! And let’s defeat the terrible oni!
Dog: Yes, let’s do this. We can win, I’m sure. The oni may be strong, but we have justice on our side!
Crow: Alright! Let’s fight it out with the oni for the sake of peace!
Dog: Ah! Look, over there!
Monkey: An island, huh.
Momotarou: It must the one we’re looking for! Chokefull of rocks and resembling an oni’s head!
Crow: Alright! Let’s row towards it!
Monkey: This island is unexpectedly quiet.
Crow: Where’s the oni?! I wanna go beat him up already!
Monkey: Don’t you run off on your own!
Dog: Hey, you two, wait! We need to tie up the boat and get ready first…! I said wait!
Momotarou: *sigh* And off they went. Those two don’t seem to get along, but they’re surprisingly in synch.
Dog: Keh! Good grief. *ties up the boat* Okay, the boat is secured. Let’s go after them.
Momotarou: Huh? Monkey-kun, Crow-kun, what’s wrong? Did you find the oni?
Monkey: Yeah. Over there.
Crow: Something’s off about him though.
Dog: He’s sitting with his back to us, so we can’t see his face, but he’s most certainly an oni. And a strong one at that.
Momotarou: You can tell just from his back?
Dog: Yes, I can. An aura is raising off his back. We can’t let our guard down with him.
Monkey: Still, why is an oni fishing with the aura raising off his back?
Crow: Do onis even eat fish?
Dog: Ohh, that’s quite amazing. He’s not using the lure, yet every time he casts the line, fish bite on it all on their own. It’s like he’s seeing right through all the fish’s moves.
Momotarou: True… He caught that many in no time at all!
Monkey: Whatever, we just need to defeat him, right?
Crow: Yeah! Let’s finish him off already! Let’s roll, Monkey, Black Dog!
Dog: I am ready!
Monkey: Tch! Don’t order me around!
Momotarou: Ugh…! Wait a second!
Blue Oni: Hm?
*the three attack and get royally smacked*
Momotarou: Whoa! Impressive! He slapped all three of them one after another! He sure is strong!
Blue Oni: What is it with you people? You invade another person’s island, suddenly attack them… I cannot let ruffians like you roam free, now can I. We will advance with sword in hand, for our cause is pure. Blue Oni, drawing the sword!
Crow: He took out a thorny bat!
Monkey: Don’t call it thorny bat! It’s a club. Why the heck it’s not a sword though?
Dog: Be careful. This oni is much tougher than we expected.
Momotarou: Wait! Just wait a second!
Blue Oni: Hm? Oh, so you are these ruffians’ boss, I take it?
Momotarou: Erm, “ruffians”, coming from you… Uh, I mean, you are an oni, aren’t you?
Blue Oni: Indeed, I am an oni. What of it?
Momotarou: We came here because we heard there is an atrocious oni who terrorizes the neighboring population, you see…
Blue Oni: That is quite unpardonable slander. I am a law-abiding oni, who respects order and justice and lives a quiet but fulfilling life on this island. I find your imprudence of deeming me evil on the spot simply on the grounds of me being an oni offending.
Crow: This oni is such a pain in the ass! Wasn’t he supposed to be bad and violent?
Monkey: Duh.
Momotarou: We apologize then. Our information was wrong, it seems.
Dog: No, attacking without first checking the situation is our own fault, we’ve really done bad by the Oni-dono. I sincerely apologize. *bows*
Momotarou: We’re really sorry. We came here in hopes of getting rid of the bad oni and bringing peace. C'mon, c'mon, Monkey-kun, Crow-kun, you need to apologize too.
Crow: Eh?! Ahm, s-sry.
Monkey: Tch! I~am~so~rry~.
Blue Oni: Hmph. Well, if it was a misunderstanding, then it cannot be helped. I appreciate your desire to do work for the good of people. Well then, shall we go?
Momotarou: Eh?
Dog: Where to?
Blue Oni: To perform an oni extermination, of course. You came to slay an atrocious oni, did you not? To the south of here, there is another island inhabited by an oni. The oni living there is the barbaric Red Oni who ignores order. Men, are you ready?
Dog: Ieh?
Monkey: Hah?
Crow: Eh?
Momotarou: Ehh?
Blue Oni: Then, setoff! Men, draw your swords!
Momotarou: And this is where the tale of Momotarou’s oni extermination ends. Although, probably, after that, a new and wholly different tale begins.
Dog: “Oni’s… oni extermination”?
Crow: So, do we get our chance to shine then? Or rather, can we even make it out of it alive?!
Monkey: Tch, noooo ideeeea.