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King Kaguya
Narrator!Anna: Long time ago, in a certain place, an old man and an old woman lived. The old man worked as a bamboo cutter.
Izumo-jiisan: Okay, the bamboo around here suffered from fire. Oh? What is that bamboo? It’s glowing bright red.
Narrator!Anna: The old man found a bamboo that was glowing with red light. He though it was very strange and got closer to investigate.
Izumo-jiisan: What’s this? I’ll try cutting open, I guess… *grunts and cuts* Wha?! This is…
Narrator!Anna: Inside the bamboo he found a palm-sized boy with red hair.
King Kaguya: Burn ‘em…
Izumo-jiisan: Eh?! This is unbelievable!
Narrator!Anna: The old man panicked and, taking the boy with him, hurried back home where the old woman was waiting for his return.
Izumo-jiisan: I found something unbelievable!
Tatara-baasan: Welcome back! Izumo-jiisan, what happened to make you so flustered?
Izumo-jiisan: Just look at this, Tatara-baasan!
King Kaguya: Burn 'em…
Tatara-baasan: Oh, incredible. Where did you get this boy?
Izumo-jiisan: I found a bamboo that was glowing red, and when I cut it, he came out of it!
Tatara-baasan: Heeh?
King Kaguya: Hmph.
Tatara-baasan: Whoa! This boy produced fire from his hand!
Izumo-jiisan: For real! Is he some fire-using youkai, or something?
Tatara-baasan: Wow, it’s so amazing and so cool! Here, here, here, here, here.
Izumo-jiisan: He’s not an animal!
Tatara-baasan: But doesn’t he resemble a lion?
Izumo-jiisan: He’s too tiny for a lion!
Tatara-baasan: He may be small now, but I think he has what it take to become the king of beasts. Yeah, I feel this little guy will definitely become a king!
Izumo-jiisan: Why on earth?
Tatara-baasan: He makes me want to call him King. Right, King?
King Kaguya: I’m hungry.
Tatara-baasan: Today’s diner is tom yum goong.
Izumo-jiisan: *sigh* Well, whatever. We can’t just abandon him, so let’s keep him, then.
Tatara-baasan: His name will be King, okay?
Izumo-jiisan: That’s not a name! Hmmm, since the bamboo he was in was glowing… Kaguya, or something similar, will be good. [T/n: “kaguya” from “kagayaku” - to glow]
Tatara-baasan: Then he’ll be King Kaguya!
Izumo-jiisan: Well, whatever makes you happy.
Narrator!Anna: In the care of the old man and woman, King Kaguya grew up in the blink of an eye. His growing rate was like that of a bamboo shoot, sprouting up in no time to soon become a big bamboo.
Tatara-baasan: Welcome back, King Kaguya. Oh, you’ve got blood splashes on you, just what happened?
King Kaguya: Someone picked up a fight with me, so I beat 'em up.
Izumo-jiisan: *siiigh* It’s good that you’re strong, but you’ve been getting infamous lately.
King Kaguya: Huh?
Narrator!Anna: He grew up into a very strong man with bad personality, and became well known as Crimson King Kaguya. Many ruffians feared him and looked up to him.
Tatara-baasan: King Kaguya! Izumo-jiisan! Yet another person came who wants to serve under us.
Izumo-jiisan: What, another one?! I’ve been telling them, we’re not a gangster family or anything!
Tatara-baasan: But just the other day, King Kaguya had a run-in with a group of thieves he happened to chance upon and beat them all up. And we all had our fill of sukiyaki thanks to the treasures they left behind due to being busy running for their lives.
Izumo-jiisan: Ugh… Well, I guess. And before that, he got into argument with some band leader downtown and beat him up, too. What should we do?
Tatara-baasan: Nothing to it, it’s OK, it’s going to work out somehow. When the rumors about King Kaguya first started to spread, all the neighbors forbade their kids to even make eye contact with any of us, and it was a little lonely, but lately they came to view us as a friendly reliable gangster family and give us vegetables and other tokens of gratitude.
Izumo-jiisan: Doesn’t that mean that we’re beginning to walk a path of no return?
Tatara-baasan: Well, actually, as the rumors keep spreading far and wide, more and more people come wanting to become King Kaguya’s underlings.
Izumo-jiisan: Ahh… So what are we gonna do, in the end?
King Kaguya: Nothing much. Let 'em, if they can pass my trial.
Izumo-jiisan: That trial of yours is a problem though. Quite a few have already been set aflame in our back yard. What if even more dangerous rumors start spreading and the village comes to hate us, what then?
Hopeful!Yata: Trial?! What’s that trial?! Ah, like, if it gives me the chance to become a comrade of Crimson King Kaguya, I’ll do anything!
Tatara-baasan: Ahh, sheesh! I told you to wait at the door, didn’t I?
King Kaguya: So it’s you, huh, the flame loving idiot.
Hopeful!Yata: Aye aye, sir! My name is Yata. I came because I look up to King Kaguya so much! I want to be King Kaguya-san’s comrade and someday to become a strong and cool King Kaguya man like King Kaguya-san!
Izumo-jiisan: Wanna take the trial?
Hopeful!Yata: Of course! If there’s one, I’ll take it gladly!
King Kaguya: Heh. *flame roars*
Hopeful!Yata: Agh! King Kaguya-san’s hand is engulfed by flames…!
King Kaguya: Can you take this hand of mine?
Izumo-jiisan: Let me tell you this upfront: if you don’t get chosen by these flames, you’ll become cinders. If you still wanna try despite that, you better brace yourself.
Tatara-baasan: I’ve got some water prepared to splash on you in case you fail, although I have no idea if it’ll put the fire out or not.
Izumo-jiisan: If you wanna give up, this is your chance.
Hopeful!Yata: Teh, if I get cold feet here, I won’t be able to call myself a man anymore. Bravery test, Yata, here goes!
Tatara-baasan: Ohh, he grabbed King Kaguya’s burning hand!
Hopeful!Yata(thoughts): Hot! But… what’s going on? It’s like King Kaguya-san’s flames are flowing into my body… like I’m being filled to the brim with power… this sensation…
King Kaguya: Hmph. One hell of a guy you are.
Hopeful!Yata: Uh, I… I wasn’t burned…?
Izumo-jiisan: Good for you. Looks like you’ve passed.
Tatara-baasan: Congratulations! You’re now King Kaguya’s - and our - comrade!
Hopeful!Yata: Eh, hooray!!!
Narrator!Anna: The numbers of those who had passed King Kaguya’s rigorous trial and become his comrades grew rapidly, and the group, connected by the bonds of flame, with King Kaguya, the old man and woman as its centerpieces, was growing steadily. That’s right, this is a tale about Team Homura and about the birth of the beautiful red.
Tatara-baasan: By the way, King Kaguya. I know it’s way too late to be asking this, but I’m gonna ask anyway: why were you inside a bamboo in the first place?
King Kaguya: Ah, in the past I lived on the Moon.
Izumo-jiisan: The Moon?
Tatara-baasan: Wow! The Moon, huh? But why did you come down all the way here then?
King Kaguya: I was exiled.
Izumo-jiisan: Exiled? Why?
King Kaguya: Well, I had done something not very pretty, and they locked me up in a bamboo and threw me down here.
Tatara-baasan&Izumo-jiisan: Waaaah.
Narrator!Anna: And they all lived happily ever after.