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Secret menu
Kusanagi: Huh? *sniff, sniff* What’s this? Smells real nice.
Yata: Kusanagi-san, yo! I got hungry, so I borrowed your kitchen.
Kusanagi: And what did you make?
Yata: Chahan! Anna said she didn’t have lunch yet either, so I thought we’d eat it together.
Anna: Misaki’s chahan tastes strange.
Kusanagi: Ahh, the famous Yata rice Kamamoto was telling me about, huh. Anna, how does it taste?
Yata: It’s yummy, right?
Anna: It’s a little sour, crispy and yummy.
Kusanagi: If I didn’t know, I would never have thought that you’re talking about chahan.
Yata: But she said it’s yummy, didn’t she?
Kusanagi: Yata-chan. I hear you add pineapple into chahan? Well, that’s not to say that I dislike your unusual idea though.
Yata: Nothing less from you, Kusanagi-san! I knew you’d understand!
Kusanagi: Ah, now that I think about it, back in the day, we, too, used to come up with weird foodstuffs.
Yata: Weird foodstuffs?
Kusanagi: It was back when me and Mikoto were in high school and Totsuka was in middle school.
Totsuka: King, your and Kusanagi-san’s school’s having a cultural festival in a few days, right?
Kusanagi: Yup, it is. But well, I’m already a 3rd year and have college entrance exams to prepare for, so it doesn’t really have much to do with me. As to Mikoto, I can’t imagine him participating in a school event like a normal student either.
Suoh: Too much trouble.
Totsuka: Huuuh? But doesn’t it look fun? It’s a waste not to! In middle school, all we have is things like exhibitions, and we can’t sell any food.
Kusanagi: Well, cultural festivals in middle school tend to be like that, yes.
Totsuka: I know! I’ll sneak into your high school, so let’s do a cafe together!
Kusanagi: Huh? Don’t be crazy.
Totsuka: It’s OK, it’s OK. It’s gonna work out somehow. If I borrow your or King’s uniform, I won’t be found out, I’m sure!
Suoh: You’ll be found out in no time.
Kusanagi: Yup, you will.
Totsuka: So? What menu should we serve?
Kusanagi: Listen to us, will ya!
Suoh: *sigh* What d'you wanna serve?
Totsuka: Let’s see… Something like takoyaki!
Kusanagi: It’s fitting during a festival alright, but for a takoyaki stand, not a cafe.
Totsuka: A while ago, I got a takoyaki pan from a neighbor because he didn’t need anymore, so I wanted to try making takoyaki, but since I didn’t have money, I couldn’t buy octopus for them. So I scraped up some wheat flour together, mixed it with water, added salt and soy sauce and ate it. It wasn’t exactly horrible, but you can’t helping wanting takoyaki with octopus, you know?
Kusanagi: It’s not takoyaki if there’s no octopus in it in the first place though. It’s flour-yaki.
Totsuka: If we make takoyaki out of big octopus, it’ll feel like a festival already, no?
Suoh: If we just grill octopus and be done with it, well… it should be easy enough.
Kusanagi: Grilled octopus is not takoyaki either. It’s the same as grilled squid, only its octopus version. And that’s not what it’s supposed to be. Takoyaki is definitely not like that. I’ll give you guys proper takoyaki to eat later.
Totsuka: Well, I have to concede though that takoyaki isn’t very fitting for a cafe. If we talk cafe menu, fitting stuff would be… sandwiches, maybe?
Kusanagi: Yeah, seems good enough.
Totsuka: Sandwiches are really awesome, no? They’re not made with just bread, but with bread and a side dish inserted between slices of bread!
Kusanagi: Totsuka, it sounds like you always eat just bread on bread because you never have any money…
Totsuka: I stick jam that comes with school lunches inbetween bread slices sometimes!
Kusanagi: Ah… then, what would you like put inbetween bread slices?
Totsuka: Umm… what should I choose? King, what do you want to eat right now?
Suoh: Hmmmmmm. Ramen.
Totsuka: Alrighty then! Let’s stick some ramen inbetween bread slices!
Kusanagi: No, no, no, no. No way we’re sticking ramen inbetween bread slices! That’s carbohydrates in more carbohydrates!
Suoh: Yakusoba bread is the same though.
Kusanagi: Huh? True, I guess… And yakisoba bread is a popular type of bread, right? Then does it make a sandwich with ramen perfectly possible, too? Does it mean that my ways of thinking are too rigid?
Totsuka: The problem here is how do you stick soup in bread.
Kusanagi: Give up on the soup!
Suoh: Bread can absorb broth.
Totsuka: I see!
Kusanagi: But it will make the bread all soppy!
Totsuka: Now what’s left is only to come up with some desert. Everyone loves something like parfait, right?
Kusanagi: Parfait it is then. What kind of parfait do you have in mind?
Totsuka: Let’s see… How about parfaits that will suit the image of each of us like they do in bars where a cocktail is made with a person’s image in mind?
Kusanagi: Hmm? That sounds pretty interesting.
Totsuka: If we talk about your image, Kusanagi-san, then high grade bitter chocolate feels fitting.
Kusanagi: Ohh, ohh, not bad.
Totsuka: But! Since we have no money to buy pricey chocolate, we’ll go with the cheap kind.
Kusanagi: I just got cheapened.
Totsuka: Also, since you’re speaking in Kyoto dialect, let’s put it Kyoto’s delicacy cinnamon-seasoned cracknels in it, too.
Kusanagi: How simplistic. Oh well, it does fit in a parfait, so…
Totsuka: As to King… well, it’s gotta be something red! When we’re talking red… how about lots of chilli pepper? King, do you like spicy things?
Suoh: Yeah.
Kusanagi: Even if he likes spicy things, that just won’t work for a parfait! Settle for something like strawberry.
Totsuka: I see! Strawberry is nice and all, but on its own, it lacks impact. We’ll need something else that’s also red… watermelon, tomato…
Suoh: Kimchi is also red.
Kusanagi: Are you sure you want to try a parfait with kimchi in it? Are you really sure?
Suoh: So? What about yourself?
Totsuka: Eh?
Kusanagi: Oh, right. What would fit Totsuka’s image, I wonder. Things like oranges or grapefruit, something citrusy anyway, I guess.
Suoh: And also… weed.
Kusanagi: Hey, weed was pretty mean of you.
Totsuka: But then, when I was small, and we had no money at all, I plucked edible grass and ate it.
Kusanagi: That’s not the problem here.
Suoh: Some weed with blooming flowers could be fitting.
Kusanagi: Like dandelions? True, dandelions may suit Totsuka.
Totsuka: I kinda feel shy when you say that about me. But dandelions are yummy, right?
Kusanagi: Are dandelions even edible…?
Totsuka: They sure are! They taste a bit bitter, but they’re still good whether you fry them or boil them in sauce or make salad out of them.
Kusanagi: Ehhh…
Suoh: *sigh* I’m hungry.
Kusanagi: Heh, right. Let’s stop with this stupid conversation and go grab something to eat at my bar.
Totsuka: But what about our plans for the cultural festival?
Kusanagi: Give up on participating already. I’ll make some cultural festival-ish menu back at the bar for you.
Totsuka: Cheee.
Yata: It’s hard to believe that you and the other two were students, too, Kusanagi-san…
Anna: At the time, Mikoto and the other two were younger than you, Misaki.
Yata: Oh! I see! Now that I think of it, it’s pretty awesome. Wait, before I knew it, Kusanagi-san, who told us this story from his past, disappeared in the kitchen… what’s he doing there?
Kusanagi: Thank you for the wait. This is the secret menu of Bar HOMRA - you won’t find these dishes on our official menu.
Yata: *sniffs* What’s this? Hm? It smells like ramen?
Kusanagi: Totsuka and Mikoto made some crazy proposals, but I made them into actual edible foodstuffs. So show some respect.
Yata: Th-then this is…?! A ramen sandwich?!
Kusanagi: After much thinking, I found out that French onion soup au gratin could very well be put on bread. That being the case, I changed my mind about putting ramen soup on bread being impossible. So I tried to drench slices of French bread with noodles put in between them in light soy sauce ramen and sprinkle them with parsley and pepper.
Yata: Ohh… This also has octopus in it, no?
Kusanagi: Yup! I put in chunks of meaty octopus, so feel free to use knife, fork and spoon and eat it with style.
Anna: This parfait has weed in it…
Kusanagi: Oui, Mademoiselle. From the bottom up, that parfait consists of high grade bitter chocolate mousse with small pieces of chocolate covered cinnamon cracknels, then a layer of strawberry jelly and sour strawberry sauce with pieces of potato chips coated in spicy red habanero powder as the accent, and on top of the orange and grapefruit ice-cream layer, dandelion flowers are arranged. I uselessly wasted so much time and effort on all that.
Anna: Incredible.
Totsuka: We’re back! Oh, Kusanagi-san, what are you guys doing?
Suoh: *sniffs* Hm? I smell ramen.
Yata: Ah, Mikoto-san! Totsuka-san!
Anna: Izumo made us dishes from the secret menu.
Totsuka: The secret menu? Ah, that!
Kusanagi: Brings back memories, no?
Suoh: Hmph.
Anna: Can I eat it?
Kusanagi: Go ahead.
Yata: Then, I’ll dig in, too!
Yata&Anna: Itadakimasu!
T/N: chahan - fried rice with vegetables
kimchi - spicy Korean pickled cabbage